How to Dad

You all have TV.  I don't.  So you've probably seen this commercial already.  I just wanted to take a moment and talk about it.   So take a second.....watch it...again....and then catch back up with me below.



Ok my gut reaction was that I love this. 

Let me give you the positives here first.   The fact that a dad was portrayed as anything other than a bumbling idiot is a step in the right direction.  The fact that dad can be cool and yet keep the house moving in the right direction is awesome.  I really loved that he gives his wife coffee as she's leaving...clearly dressed for work...the main day job.  LOVE IT.   I actually really like that he calls his wife "hot" too.  Whether you like that term of affection or not, it's good to have kids hear you say that you like your spouse.  Good on them. 

One thing I really love is his use of the phrase "just a suggestion" when talking to his son about his hat.  He doesn't tell him how to wear it.  He shows him what is good and bad with how he's wearing it and leaving it up to him.  Awesome.

The bad.....I don't buy Cheerios very often because they're not cheap....particularly their flavored kind (4+ dollars a box)...and they last about 2 mornings at our house.  (however the Banana Nut Cheerios are the bomb....they were on sale once) Also, I like Peanut Butter enough....and the boys love it....but the idea of peanut butter Cheerios grosses me out. 

Also...at no point in my recollection was I ever asked if I gave my consent to this product being the official cereal of dadhood.  I'm pretty sure I should've got a vote in there somewhere. 

Finally......if a kid jumps on me and wakes me up in the morning my response is NOT going to be "of course I'm up" and i"m not going to be calm and mellow about it.  Particularly if they scare the crap out of me wearing a horse mask.  Let's be a little honest here...right?

Love the positive vibes.  Love the "real" family feel.  I love the idea that it's fine to break some traditional family stereotypical roles and still be a good family.  Thank you Cheerios.

Pursuit of Happiness

This is a thought, based on an event that happened last summer or so.  I just slacked off on finishing it off....so here it is finally.



You already know, I am a paintball junkie.  I buy and sell a pretty good amount of paintball gear during the course of a year.  Basically it's a side hobby that funds me actually playing paintball.

Last year, as a way to help fund our adoption I started selling off A LOT of paintball gear with 100% of the money going toward our adoption...not just the profits.  Most of the stuff I sold had been sitting around for awhile.  Projects I never got around to.  High end stuff.

I tell you this not to pat myself on the back, but to tell you this.....I sold a couple of markers to a paintball acquaintance from Pittsburgh, who I've only met in real life once.  He bought things that I know he didn't really need...and he donated a larger amount of money than the stuff was worth.  I really appreciated that.

In his paypal payment he left this comment.  "Good luck in your pursuit of happiness."


This phrase has been sticking in my craw (which is an expression I've been enjoying using recently).  I know that this was meant as a kind of nice thing to say in way of support for what we were doing.  I know that he meant the best by it.  But here are some things about that.

1.  Having kids in general (by birth or adoption), should never be about your own happiness.  This is a problem our society is having.  People are having kids because they believe that it will bring them personal happiness.  They're having babies to save their relationships.  They're having kids to "be fulfilled".  Parenting is hard.  Parenting is not about your fulfillment.  The attention cease to be about you and changes to your children.  So instead of you personally feeling special, it is now about your child.  So it's almost the exact opposite of this.

2.  I know that he doesn't fully grasp this, but we didn't adopt any of our boys because we were pursuing happiness, but because God told us to.  There's a blog post that's going to appear on our family blog about obedience.  There's a huge difference between being obedient to God's plan, and pursuing my own happiness.  The process of adoption is HARD, LONG, and frustrating.  It's full of tears.  If I were pursuing my own happiness, I would be way more tempted to quit.

3.  Something God has been teaching me for quite awhile now is that God doesn't want us to be happy, he wants us to be filled with His joy.  See happiness is based on the circumstance I am in currently.....and circumstances change....and thus my happiness would change.  For instance.....if I buy a brand new car (yeah right)....i'm gonna be pretty happy.  I might park it out front so people see it.  I'd definitely post pictures on Facebook.  I'd talk about it in the locker room with the guys at hockey.  However....if I then total my car because I"m careless....i'm now not happy.  But if I'm pursuing God's joy, the circumstances I'm in, don't dictate a change in that.  I could be in a rough place....but still know God's joy.   Why is the church growing in China, and Africa?  Why is the church failing in the West? 

Hanging Out with Dad

I have heard the phrase before, but today I heard it with different ears.

I spend a lot of time as the direct care giver for the boys.  I'm the "stay at home dad".  I don't pat myself on the back for that.  I don't think I'm the best at it, but we've made it work.

Today while sitting at the YMCA waiting for Corban, I heard someone talking to another dad who had his two boys with him.  She said, "so you're just hanging out with dad today huh?"  She didn't mean anything by it.  People have said that to me countless times.  Today a lightbulb went off though.

People rail against inequalities in the work place because woman don't get equal opportunities or equal pay.....and those are real things....and they're wrong.  I would like to tell you that the inverse also happens. 

I get looked at sideways because I'm the stay at home dad. 

I had someone ask, "So what do you do, that allows you to spend so much time with your boys?"   If I were a woman would they have asked me that?  Probably not.  Because they would just believe that I'm a stay at home mom.  But because I'm a male, I must work somewhere and do this too......which just happens to be true.....but why would you assume that?  (For the record, I am fully aware....and thank God regularly for the awesome flexibility of my job that lets me do what I do)

Today when I heard that comment about "hanging out with dad"....I got the implied thought behind it, that I hadn't really noticed before.  The thought that says, "mom must've had a meeting or needed time out, so she left you in charge for a little while until she gets back....and you're probably just counting the minutes till she returns". 

Marjorie is a great mom.  She is totally capable of handing the boys any time.  While I did say in my recent post it note thread, that I look forward to Marjorie coming home (and that's true), I also don't feel like I'm out of my element handling the boys either.  It's just easier with two of us. 

This isn't a call to arms or anything.  Just a reminder to be careful what you say and to whom. 

And also....I love my family.

Stay at Home Dad Post It Notes

This has been making the rounds of the internet.  It's a dad who gave up his full time office job to be a stay at home dad.  He used to use post-it notes for organization.  Now he leaves his wife post it's for thoughts on parenting. 

I found some of these funny.  Marjorie asked me, what I would add if I was making my own post it notes.

He had one post it that talked about purchasing toys based on how they would feel when stepped on at night in the dark.  I have thought similar things, but I look at it more like home protection.  Go ahead and break into my house.....see how that goes for you......because I turn the lights off each night and break myself getting up the stairs....and I KNOW where the stuff is waiting for me!

I would have a post it about nap time.  How nap time isn't for the kids but is TOTALLY for the parents to gather up their sanity again before going at it  for round two during the day.

I would have a post it note about how poop and vomit used to be things I never thought I could deal with....and now a little of each seems like a walk in the park.

I would have a post it about not messing with Daddy until you're done your breakfast and Daddy is done his first cup of coffee.

My personal favorite post it that he made, and the one I agree with 100% is below.  There is no relief in the world, like the sound of Marjorie coming in the door.

 

Father's Day

Thanks for showing me repeatedly how to change the oil in a car.....even though I never do it myself anymore.
Thanks for telling me you were proud of me after band concerts.
Thanks for always taking time out of your busy schedule to play with us.
Thanks for wrestling us. Boys need that. I didn't know how much until now.
Thanks for wrestling with my boys. I love watching them giggle when you get after them.
Thanks for loving mom. You showed us how to treat women.
Thanks for loving Jesus. You modeled that in your daily life for us and those around us.
Thanks for not yelling at me when I overflowed the stationary tube, when I was doing laundry. Does mom even know that happened?
Thanks for being my mentor...particularly the last 13 years of full time ministry. It's good having a resource like you who's seen and done it all.
Thanks for taking Jer and I backpacking. Those were some of the best trips of my life.
Thanks for being my Weblos leader.
Thanks for doing voices for all the characters when you read books to us.
Thanks for making us work in your garden and showing us the value of it.
Thanks for coming to listen to my bands play.  I know you didn't always like it...particularly going to the Alchemy Club....but it meant the world to me.
Thanks for listening to me and asking good questions.
Thanks for making "The Movie" with us....someday Sundance will come calling.
Thanks for making my friends feel welcome when we visited in college.  They loved coming to see you guys.
Thanks for loving my wife like your daughter.
Thanks for showing me the need to control my competitive nature....even though I'm still horrible at it.
I love you Dad.

Mother's Day

Thanks for showing me what it looks like to love and trust Jesus.
Thanks for reading stories to us after dinner.
Thanks for not making me cut my hair when it was long....I know you didn't like it.
Thanks for packing our lunches.  I know you didn't like that.  Now that I have to pack lunches, I realize why.
Thanks for continuing and creating family traditions.  They're important to me.
Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder.
Thanks for letting me buy a drumset and letting me practice.  Sorry that it was loud.
Thanks for loving Dad.  You two have modeled marriage not only to Jer and I, but to tons of people.
Thanks for showing me the value of money and how to budget and save.
Thanks for letting me make some of my own mistakes as I got older.  I needed to learn the hard way sometimes.
Thanks for helping to pick me up after I learned the hard way.
Thanks for showing us how to do laundry, do dishes, clean toilets, etc.
Thanks for babying me when I was sick.
Thanks for loving my children and spoiling them.  I love watching the smile on their faces when they see you.  You're a great grandma too!
Thanks for your hairbrush that I stole back in high school.....I'm still using it.
Thanks for helping us plan our wedding.  We couldn't have done that without you.
Thanks for teaching us the value of a Sabbath rest.
Thanks for actually parenting us and disciplining us rather than trying to always be our friend.
Thanks for being an ear to listen.
Thanks for loving my wife...not as a daughter-in-law....but as your daughter.
Thanks for taking me back and forth to Pittsburgh when we couldn't figure out my Thyroid problem.
Thanks for holding my hand (and holding me down sometimes) when they had to do blood work.
Thanks for hugs and kisses.
Thanks for letting us dig in the dirt pile and be boys...even when it was messy.

The list could go on.   Thanks for being my mom.
I love you.

With Class

This isn't the best picture in the world.  I took it as I was running out the door.  My mom will probably kill me and say she looks horrible from crying.

These are my parents.  They are my heroes.

This picture was taken last Sunday.  My dad retired from full-time ministry after pastoring for 40+ years.

They're not super heroes.  They don't have super strength or fly or see through walls.  But they are the most amazing people.  Let me tell you why.

This was my dad's last Sunday.  He's been at this church for the last 16 1/2 years.  He could've very easily taken his parting shot at people.  Told them all the ways that they have wronged him.  All the ways they don't get it.  He could've gone the other direction and floated his own balloon.  Told them all the amazing things that the church has accomplished under his care.  Made sure they knew how much they'd miss him once he was gone.

My dad went a different route.  He empowered his congregation.  He point to Jesus being the reason that everything has happened.  He said that he's not the message, he is only a messenger, and so is the church.  We're only suppose to be the messengers of what's God's doing.  He encouraged them that the work doesn't stop just because he won't be there.  He said that the message doesn't change just because he's not there.

Not only did he empower the church, but he focused the children too.  When he called the young children down for the "children's sermon"...I cried.  College students, high school students, the whole way down to babies, filled the aisle for his last one.  Again, it would've been easy to just accept a pat on the back, but my dad reminded them that they were to be looking for what God has for them in life.  Where is God leading them, what is he saying, don't just haphazardly make choices but seek guidance.

I could go on and on about how classy and humble both of my parents were on this day.

I will say this....at the dinner that night in their honor, lots of people got up to say very thoughtful, true, amazing, things about my parents.  But I feel like I lucked out.  Because while all those things were true....I have always got to call them mom and dad.  I had their private time.  I got private instruction, and hugs and kisses, and tucked in at night, and read to, and comfort for skinned knees.  I got to see them live out their faith behind closed doors.  I feel like as appreciative as all of those people could be, I got the best deal of all.

As I reflect on that day, and on my father's ministry in general, I've thought about finishing.  Finishing well.  It actually made me think of the Olympics this past summer.  We watched all the long distance running events because there were Ethiopians who had good chances of medalling.   Our favorite was Tirunesh Dibaba.  (Her last name particularly is super fun to yell at the top of your lungs.)  In the last Olympics she became the first person to win the 5000 and 10000 meters.  The first race she ran this summer was the 10,000 meter.  WHAT A RACE.  For most of the race she was 4th.  Her team-mate pushed the pace the whole way forcing the two Kenyan runners to try to keep up.  Then with a lap and half left, Dibaba kicked....and no one could keep up.  She ended up winning by about 1/4 of a lap!  It was AWESOME.

So then she has to run the 5000 meter.  Totally different story.  This time it was Dibaba that had to set the pace.  She was at the front the whole race.  And at the end not only did one of her teammates catch her, so did a Kenyan.  She didn't have enough left to kick through to the finish.

My dad finished well.  His last act at his church was delivering a short, concise, benediction because his good friend was crying and just couldn't get through it.

I just kept thinking....I want that.  I want to finish well.  I want people to say those things about me...not for my sake, but because I regularly represented Jesus well and lived that out.  Talk about motivation!

So are you running at a pace that you can sustain to finish strong?  Do you have a team-mate who's keeping pace with you?  Or are you trying to run the race by yourself?  How are you going to finish strong?

Thank You Mom

I'm going to be driving today to see my mom.  I can't wait to walk through the door and give her a hug.  I love my mommy. 

Thank you mom for teaching me good values and standing up for what is right.  Thank you for showing me that God is real, not just with your words but with passionately pursuing him yourself every day.  Thank you for teaching me to wash the dishes and to eat vegetables.  Thank you for just putting your arm around me and letting me cry when I needed to.  Thank you for grounding me when I needed that too.  Thank you for giving me good advice even when I ignored it.  Thank you for constantly loving me, my wife and my children.  I love you.

Found this video.  Just asked random people in NYC to thank their mothers.  It's odd and quirky...but it's good too.  If your mom is still alive, call her or drive to her and tell her you love her.  If not, find someone else to hug and love today. 

"How to be a Dad" featuring Rob Rogers

 This is my friend Rob Rogers.  Rob and I met in the summer of 1992.  We were part of a team of students that went to Thailand for just shy of a month to play music at schools and churches as part of Carpenter's Tools International.  Rob and I and another guy Chauncey got put in a house for a week while in training in Minnessota.  Basically this family gave us an entire house for a week.....it was AWESOME.  Rob and I then went on to room together throughout tour.  We've kept in touch over the years.  I would easily say that Rob is one my best friends in the entire world.  He holds me accountable.  He laughs with and at me.  He encourages me and speaks truth into my life.  He makes me want to work harder at being a good dad, husband and pursuer of Jesus.  I'd like to believe I do the same for him too.

So two things about Rob.

1.  I use to call him "Rob my friend from Colorado".  Except that VERY recently he took a youth ministry job in Minnesota.  He and his family are in a serious transition state of packing, moving, selling house, etc.  They could seriously use your prayers if you have an extra minute with God.

2.  Rob related this story to me and it was too good not to pass along to you.  I told him I would do so, so it's not like I'm telling this behind his back.

Warning:  The following is about vomit.....if that's a problem don't read this really funny story.


So I was telling Rob about how Tobiah gets sick so often.  Tobiah will get really congested and then because his gag reflex is so sensitive that he'll throw up just from the trickle down the back of his throat.  It's kind of frustrating because a common cold makes him vomit like crazy.  Marjorie told me before we had kids that she couldn't handle vomit so I was always going to be in charge of that....but because he does it so frequently we've both just learned to deal with it.

So Rob then tells me that one of his boys recently got really sick too.  Just a nasty sickness.  So he says that in the middle of the night his son vomits on the carpet.  Rob, being super dad and half asleep, cleans the mess up in the only way that he possibly could.  He gets out a box cutter and just cuts the piece of carpet right out and throws it away!  How awesome is that!!!!

To be fair...he was already thinking of replacing the carpet, but this sealed the deal.  My understanding is that after caring for his son he went right back to bed.  I applaud you super dad!

Photographic evidence:

 

Famous Part II

So just as I posted about Corban being in the paper, our whole family was in the paper last week. Actually it really centered around Marjorie and her trip to Ethiopia this summer. Read the article. Obviously donations toward her trip more than willingly accepted. She's so excited. HERE'S THE ARTICLE. The picture that was used was the picture of our family from the previous post.

Easter in Pictures

Just a note: Our boys love wearing their bike helmets all the time when they're outside. They're not accident prone...they just double as football helmets, hockey helmets, Star Wars helmets etc. So they wear them all the time.

Our Boys

Easter pictures

Just so you know....Corban is attempting to jump up and get the plastic egg that I dangled from the clothes line in this next picture..