Reasons Teens are Leave the Church: A Response

There's an article that has been circulating the web lately.  It's blog posted by Marc5Solas called Top 10 Reasons Our Kids Leave Church. 

 

If you haven't read it yet, please do, or the rest of what I'm about to write won't make much sense.

I'd like to preface by saying I don't know Marc.  Not personally or by reputation.  I'm not a regular reader of his blog, but I have read a few of his other blog posts since I was responding to this.  Judging by what I've read, I would venture a guess that he is not in youth ministry.  I also don't feel that this is an all inclusive list.  This is mostly just my response to what I've read, and observations from being in youth ministry.  Sorry ahead of time for it being long.

From the outset of the article Marc attacks the contemporary model of church.  His opening lines are a dig to mega church ideas.  I'm not going to defend mega churches....since I've been working for small churches my entire ministry, but it pegs me as slanted when before you make point #1, you're already digging in.

And then his first point....which is actually #10.....rages against the Relevant movement (is that still even a thing?).  Again I'm not here to defend, but I think he's throwing babies out with the bathwater here.  He talks about celebrity and being cool and I wouldn't say that that has ever been the point.  The point has always been to try to relate on a level that Amazing Grace wasn't.  He also says that the Relevant movement is taking 2000 years of church history and turning it "cool".  No sir.  NOBODY is doing church like we did in the 1200's...unless you're Catholic and even they've changed things up.  I thought it was all about putting Jesus in terms people could understand.....actually a bunch of the relevant movement people were ALL ABOUT church history (see Phyllis Tickle)

#9....I'm not sure what his point is here at all.  Is it that we separate each age level with individualize programming?  Because that's bad?  It's bad that we have people to specifically teach 2nd graders....because the sermon on Sunday morning is really geared for them?  I really don't get what he's saying except he's setting up point #......

8 (see what I did there?)  This point is an over-generalization.  His point is that we in the church don't treat students like real people and it's not until they get out that they are treated as such.  First I would say that Marc needs to come to my youth group....or the youth group of ALL of my youth pastor friends.  In one fell swoop Marc has said that what we are all bad at what we do and we dumb down the Gospel regularly and create an environment of immaturity.  No sir.  Secondly, I'd say that even if this IS the case (which I'm sure there are churches that this might apply to), he is overlooking any parental involvement in the process (see later point)

You know what I'm not going to go point for point anymore.....the long and the short of all of his points is this....we're doing bad teaching, we need to get back to fundamentalist ways of doing church, the church is completely at fault as are the youth leaders, generalization, generalization, generalization.

Here's some of my thoughts:

1.  Relationship.  A lot of his points come down to relationship.  If students have a real relationship with Jesus, they can go anywhere and still have a relationship with Jesus.  It's when they only have a relationship with each other or just their youth leader or "programming" that there are problems.  Are we showing them that they need to walk through some spiritual disciplines when they're in high school so that they maintain that relationship after high school?  Marc's right in saying that we should be selling a feeling or moral code.  Jesus was all about relationship......and still is.

2.  Parents.  Marc puts all the weight on the church and the youth leaders.  That's the same kind of thinking where we look to school teachers and say "I hope you teach my child values and good things so they grow up right".  That's not their job.  I'm pretty sure the Bible has something to say to parents in how they are to raise their children.  When I see mom's who bring their children to church but dad stays home....or they drop the kids at the door....or they all come on Sunday morning but are not involved in any other area of church life....there are problems on the horizon.  I see tons of parents not modeling being a Jesus follower.  So why does it shock anyone when the child goes to college and the stop going to church?  Mom and Dad didn't make it a priority, so why should they?  Look I'm not laying this all on parents either.  I know that I am responsible for what I teach.  I've had students from bad home situations be passionate about Jesus in college.  I've had students from great Godly families turn their back on the church.  I do, though, believe that what parents model for their children goes a long way.

3.  The Law.  Marc mentions teaching the Law.  Look I believe the Bible has clear laws and guidelines for life.  I have also seen the other side of teaching the law.  Legalism.  Marc actually points out that at some point students will realize that feelings and just being a good person isn't enough.  Agreed.  Neither will "The LAW".

Quick story:  Corban is studying the 10 Commandments at school.  But what they left out of the lesson (and what we regularly leave out when teaching the law) is verse 1 and 2.  "I am the Lord Your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery."

See God doesn't give us law for law sake.  He gives us law out of love.  He starts by saying, "I am God and I loved you so much that I wanted to rescue you.  I don't want to see you struggling anymore.  And because I'm that kind of loving, compassionate God, I have these guidelines for you."  Which brings us back around to a relationship with a loving Jesus to begin with.  Just hearing the Law isn't going to keep kids in church.

4.  I don't wear skinny jeans.

5.  As I mentioned....I've made a lot of youth pastor friends over the years.  What I've found is this.....the youth pastors that last, for the most part, aren't the ones that do the best games, or the best overnighters, or the best big events (not that any of those things by themselves are bad)...they're the ones that teach God's word all the time and connect students with a deep understanding of who God is and His passionate love for us.  (which is part of what Marc is arguing).  Are there people teaching bad theology, feelings, relativism, etc?  Yes.  I feel that I am being lumped in with that bunch and I'm kind of offended by that.  I tell my students to bring their Bible every week, because if we're short on time, I'll skip the game, not God's word.

6.  I am prideful.  I don't like being told I'm doing a bad job.  I  am FULLY aware of the uphill battle I am in.  I hurt when the girl that "gets it", screws up.  When people who aren't in the battle instruct me how to better fight the battle, my dander raises.  When old people in my church tell me about how youth group used to be 20 years ago and why can't I do it like that anymore, I struggle with not clubbing them (not really).  Students have changed A LOT since I started doing ministry 17 years ago.  What worked well then doesn't work now.  Heck....what worked 7 years ago doesn't work now.....not exactly.  The Gospel of Jesus always works and I'm sticking with it. 


To close.  I don't think everything Marc is saying is wrong.  At his core, he wants to make sure we're teaching good teaching to our students.  So do I.  He wants to make sure we're expressing Christ's love fully.  So do I.  He says we need real genuine community and I totally agree with that too.  I think he misses the point in several places in order to fight his personal fights....and I think he generalizes a lot of things.....several of which aren't problems that I see.

Keep fighting the fight. 

Questions and Answers

About a month or so ago I started doing what I thought was self-analyzing. I was really just talking to God about what He had called me to do and where I was headed.

Basically my questions have been like this:
-Have you called me to do youth ministry or have you called me to Warren and it just so-happens that those things have been connected for the past 10 years?
-If you've called me to youth ministry, how much longer will I be here before you move me?
-If you've called me to Warren to do ministry (whatever that looks like) how much longer will I be working for churches?
-If I'm not working for churches, any ideas what the plan is because I'm not qualified or trained to do anything. Literally.
-Etc. etc. etc.

Not that I really expected any real clear answers from all of that. I guess that for years we were in the process of adopting the boys and it was pretty clear to us that "this is what you're suppose to be doing." Then we asked, "what's next?" and God pretty clearly called us to buy this big stinking house...and in so doing called us to hospitality (which I would say is still a work in progress).

So one afternoon I was driving somewhere...not sure where....and basically it felt like God was just telling me to chill out. Aaron you're where I want you to be, stop worrying about the details, those are mine.

Fast forward to this week. I had to meet with our Pastor Relations Committee for our yearly evaluations. I've had a lot of bad meetings in the past with these types of groups (not so much at this church but in the past). Even though that's been over for awhile I still get tense inside knowing I have to go to these meetings. I argue with myself and tell myself to calm down. I know that mentally I'm preparing to defend myself and what I do.....because I've had to do that in the past.

So we sit down at the meeting....and they say things like "what can we do to make your job easier?" "What do you need more of from us?" "If you could have anything to help with your job what would it be?" "What's the most stressful part of this and how can we fix that for you?"

I was flabbergasted. I didn't have answers for those questions. Who were these people? So wait a minute.....you don't want to question how well I'm doing my job even though you know nothing about youth ministry? You don't want to try to measure whether I"m a success or a failure based on preposterous expectations? You want to come along side me and encourage and support me? Seriously?

Not only that but the head of the committee looked at the job description for my youth position and said, "this thing is preposterous....let's re-write it so that it makes sense....Aaron would you be willing to help me re-write this?" Wait, what? You recognize that objectives have to change and you're not going to hold me to this thing that is 4 years old? huh.

As if that wasn't good enough, they also agreed to go to bat for me about a problem I'm having with having taxes not withheld from the worship part of my job...which causes us to take a hit every year come tax time. HA HA

In all the years I've been working with and for churches I've never been in a meeting like that. Now that I type that out.....that's kind of sad. But it was also the coolest experience!

So the entire time I'm at this meeting, I keep hearing God say, "Aaron I got this." "This is the place that I have for you." "Stop trying to steer the ship."