Quote my son

It should be noted that Corban is insanely observant. He is always spotting things that we don't see until he points them out.

We're driving back from my parents last night. It's dark.

Corban: What is that over there?
Me: Um where?
Corban: Over there, what is that over there?
Me: Um I don't know buddy I don't see it.
Corban: I don't see it either.

Giving Thanks

A couple of thoughts on this day.

1. I don't really understand how those without faith in God can celebrate today. They talk about giving thanks for things....but who is it that they are thanking? Don't you have to thank someone or something? If you aren't thanking God because you don't believe in Him....who are you thanking? Why are you thankful? I just don't get it.

2. I realized this past Sunday evening during a sharing time at our Thanksgiving Service, that it's not realistic to stand up and say what I'm thankful for. There's no way to hit everything. We are a society that overlooks a lot that we should be thankful for. Me too. However when I start thinking about it, the list gets long quick. That being said, here is a list anyway...however poor a job it is.

-My amazing wife Marjorie. Through thick and thin she has been my biggest supporter and closest friend.
-My beautiful boys. We started the year a rowdy family of 3 and are now a rowdy family of 4. I am truly blessed with two amazingly handsome guys who are just fun to be around.
-Our parents. Both sets. They have been a constant source of guidance and support. We love you.
-My extended family who have supported, encouraged and loved up on us throughout the last year.
-Wheeze and the Ledebur clan. She is family. She and her family are a second family who is much closer than either of ours.
-You. If you're reading this, you probably did come here accidentally. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts this past year.
-Medicine. This past year we have relied on doctors and medicine more than any other. We have been blessed to be able to go to doctors and hospitals that diagnose the problem...treat it with proper medicine...use equipment that can help understand what's going on.
-Along the same lines, I'm thankful for where I live. For all the problems with the United States, we don't go without. We live in a land of plenty. In a land of technology and modern medicine.
-I'm thankful for coffee in the morning....particularly after being up during the night with Tobiah.
-Our house. It's not much, but it's home...and there's no place like home.
-Jesus Christ. The grace and forgiveness that is offered freely will forever amaze me. I would be even more of a train wreck without know Him.....if that's possible.

Blessings to all of you this day.

Stay at Home Dad

That's right I take care of my children!

11/24 Monday update

the weekend that was:
-Friday was a day inside. We got DUMPED ON with snow Thursday and Friday. So it was quiet play inside day. Friday night was movie night with the whole family.
-Saturday morning Marjorie took Tobiah to Walmart for some shopping while I took Corban sledding. He sat on the old toboggan and I pulled him across the field to the hill....then up the hill then down....and repeat
-Marjorie went out with some friends Saturday afternoon for desert and tea.
-Saturday evening I had a youth even where we viewed the movie LUTHER. Wheeze came up and helped do some history with the students and then we had some discussion of the movie afterward. Pretty cool stuff.
-The best part of the night probably came way after the movie. Three older students stuck around chatting with Wheeze and I about college, jobs, their future, God etc. REALLY COOL. Wheeze and I have been really good friends for a long time, so we kind of read each others mind and were able to speak into these students lives. Pretty cool stuff.
-Sunday morning church. Sunday lunch we had a mother and her kids over. Sunday evening we had a Thanksgiving service at church. Afterward we had pie and sandwiches.....there was LOTS OF PIE. I had too much to eat.
-Hockey game last night. I got shelled. We lost 5-0. Nothing I could do.

where i am at the moment: Home. Tobiah is sleeping and Corban is watching is "after-nap movie". I like spending time with my boys.

on my to-do list this week: Need to finish picking Advent music out, but I"m almost done there. Need to figure out what's going on with youth stuff for the next couple weeks. Also need to pack early to leave for my parents house.

procrastinating about: A few e-mails and coffee with a few people.....same as last week.

book I'm in the midst of: I just started Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood by Nate Larkin. So far so good. I'll probably review it here on the blog soon.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: All I'm going to say for the time being is....new Storyhill album!

grand revelations this past week: Marjorie and I had a conversation about the time we spent with Tobiah in the hospital. At the time it was horrific. Looking back, it was a really good time. Leaving Ethiopia we had so many questions about our sons health that we needed to ask a doctor. We just didn't understand his history or what he was going through, or what we needed to do for him. All of those things and more were answered in the first week home. Also...Marjorie related to this......it was like in a weird way we gave birth to him and had our hospital time getting to see him in a sterile environment. Interesting. It was definitely a bonding experience for us and him.

how i’m feeling about this week: I can't wait to get out of Dodge. We're going to my parents for a couple days. It's much needed. I'm tired. Not physically. Just run down. Also while we're there I'm hoping to catch up with some friends that I've been neglecting for WAY too long. I can't wait.

My heart from space

Where I Live???: Function over Fasion

I'm not sure if this falls into the category of "Where I Live" but it's close.

First you need to know that I live in a part of the world that gets a good deal of snow. We get hit with lake effect snow coming off of Lake Erie. In the past 24 hours we've had...(I'm guessing here)...a foot to a foot and a half of snow.

It should also be noted that I have never in my life been close to the height of fashion. One only needs to see me once to verify this. I've been wearing most of the same T-shirts for the past 15 years.

So this morning I was driving Corban to the doctor. I saw a woman downtown wearing high heeled winter boots. I was amazed at such creations. Not that I didn't know they existed. I just didn't realize they existed here.

In our area we are almost always WAY behind in the fashion department. There are ladies here that are still wearing the giant bangs from the 80's. (I kid you not.) I'm fine with that. That's part of where I live......but there are still lots of folks who are up with fashion and make themselves presentable.

However....what I've noticed is this. When winter hits, most people throw all that out the window and function reigns. We trade any sort of style for warm and waterproof. It's not uncommon to see people in the supermarket in giant winter boots (for that matter I did that last night.)

The idea that someone would be wearing high heeled boots on the first BIG snow of the year was unfathomable to me. Again, I'm probably WAY out of the loop on this....but we have LOTS of snow...what the heck are you gonna do with heel boots?

I have GIANT boots. They're big and clonky. I have bad circulation in my hands and feet so I bought super duper insulated boots that would keep me warm no matter what. I rarely lace them up....unless I"m seriously going hiking or out in the snow....otherwise my feet get TOO warm.

All this to say...things that might be normal or overlooked in NYC or Philadelphia or Pittsburgh are ridiculous here.

Backwards Day

As you probably know Corban goes to DayCare two days a week and is home with me the other three. Yesterday as he came home from Daycare he informed me that tomorrow (today) was backwards day and he was going to miss out. Well we couldn't have that.

Apparently all the kids were told to wear their clothes backwards today. Corban thought that was funny.

So this morning we all dressed backwards. Corban thinks it's fun. Tobiah doesn't know the difference. I feel incredibly awkward in my own home.

Problems I've found so far:
-I started by wearing jeans, but one trip to the restroom and I realized it was going to be along day. I've changed now.

-Tobiah likes to suck on the tags of things. With his shirt backward the tag of his shirt is now directly in front of his mouth.

This also brings to mind some OLD SCHOOL stuff. You may remember some kid hip hoppers back in the day called Kris Kross. They had one song. Jump. For whatever reason they wore their clothes backwards. I distinctly remember kids at school wearing their clothes backwards to be cool. I never was cool nor pretended to be so I assure you I never wore my clothes backwards. However a close friend who just moved back to town recently admitted that he did.

As I type this Corban is begging to go to the grocery store to get groceries as I told him we'd probably do today. This should be interesting. I love my boys. Nobody better ever doubt that!

Snobbery

I said I wouldn't be one of those guys. I mean what's it matter anyway?

And yet.....it happened. This morning I was sitting in a local coffee shop doing some work. As I was there some other guys showed up to do work too. I didn't know any of them. As I got up to leave I quickly scanned them. Actually I didn't look at them at all....I looked at their lappers. And since none of them were on Mac's I thought "wow that's too bad for them."

I think I've become a Mac snob. How did that happen? I didn't mean to. I just really love my Macbook. I can't imagine buying anything but Apple......but what does it really matter? Am I a bad person? I don't think so. Smarter maybe....but not bad......HA HA

McGyver and Hockey

Can it get much better than this? McGyver (Richard Dean Anderson.....also of SG-1 fame for you sci fi nuts) talks about the physics of hockey. This is old. Corny. And I had to post it.

11/17 Monday update

the weekend that was:
-Friday was boy day as always. But we were busy. I had to leave for my weekend retreat the minute Marjorie got home from work, we I needed to get stuff done. I needed to do some work. I was hoping for nap. What ended up happening.....Tobiah didn't want to take his nap, Corban did, and when Corban woke up, Tobiah went to sleep. UGH
-Retreat Friday Saturday Sunday. The nature of this retreat is a little different than most teen retreats I do as a youth pastor. This is mostly teen lead. I was one of two spiritual directors on the weekend and we gave a few talks and mediations throughout the weekend, but most of it was teen done. There is a clear schedule that has to be kept all weekend. There is order and structure.
-I loved the weekend. There are things about the weekend that rub me the wrong way, but only because they're not how I would do them. That's the nature of the schedule and the point is important. There isn't enough sleep time, so I got cranky on Sat. morning....again that was a me thing not a retreat thing.
-God did cool things with the teens that were there. I was worried Saturday morning and yet again God amazed me by breaking down walls by Saturday night.

where i am at the moment: Home. Marjorie just got home from work and is making dinner. Corban is running amuck....and Tobiah is playing on the floor in the living room chattering at nothing at all.

on my to-do list this week: I need to pick out some music for the Advent season. I need to get ready for a movie night discussion I'm hosting this Saturday. I need to get my brain working again.

procrastinating about: A few e-mails and coffee with a few people.

book I'm in the midst of: I finished up "When Young Men Are Tempted" by Bill Perkins and Randy Southern. I don't know if I'll write a review of it or not because it's kind of a specific book and not really a read for everyone. I'm undecided on what book I'm starting tomorrow....I've narrowed it down to two.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: Every now and then I'm reminded that I used to like certain bands for certain reasons. Usually it's because I haven't listened to said band in awhile. This past week I stumbled across a Primus video. I haven't listened to Primus in awhile. Actually I had a couple of their CD's stolen by a teenager who I lent the to. While Les Claypool's world view is clearly screwed up in many ways....he's a freaking amazing musician. So I downloaded a bunch of Primus this week.

grand revelations this past week: I don't like feet. Like it boarders on phobia. I just think that I don't need to see people's feet and I don't feel the need to show people my feet either. Feet are gross. They stink. They sweat. So part of the retreat weekend is footwashing. I hate feet. As I was preparing for my turn I thought about my dislike for feet. Feet are gross. That's the point. The Jesus washed were gross too. Probably grosser than normal because of the dirt and poop on them.

how i’m feeling about this week: Still a little under the weather. My brain is on yet. I'm still trying to catch up on sleep. I'll probably figure out how I feel about the week by Thursday or so.

Let's get Political

Ok we're a week out of the election. Some of the dust has settled. Some is still being stirred up.

I frankly don't want to get into it. As an ex-cab driver there are two things you always avoid talking to people about....religion and politics.....you get better tips that way. I still steer clear of political talk as much as possible. Religion...not so much....

ANYWAY....the reason for this post....two quick thoughts.

One...struck me yesterday while driving with the boys. Regardless of who you voted for (I'm not telling) you have to be pretty tough to continue driving around with a losing candidates bumper sticker on your car. I mean are there still people with George Bush in 1992 stickers? or Dukakis in 1988. I mean you lost. Clearly. Time to take the sticker down. I appreciate your continued support.....but after the consolation speeches are made....seriously...

Secondly is this. I came across a post about how to make political signs into bird houses. I loved the idea. I mean we know that some of the candidates won't be running again. Others have the year on the poster so you can't reuse that next time. Mid-as-well put it to good use. As an aside, we have a ex-local politician who happens to go to a friends church and play paintball with us. We're building a paintball field on his property. He has giant old political signs that we're using for the front of bunkers because they're water resistant and pretty tough and will take a paintball hit nicely. CAMPAIGN BIRDHOUSES HERE.

Frustrating

I just spent the longest 15 minutes of my life......... playing on the floor with Tobiah.

He was playing with this stupid toy that has these pop up animals that are spring loaded. He loves pushing down the tops. He's amazed when they pop up again.

Here's the problem though. He doesn't really understand how to push down the top. He pushes but he rarely actually gets it to go down. He'll get it about a centimeter from latching and then he lets up....usually because his finger is inside it.

So I sat on the floor with him watching him push and let up, push and let up, push and let up. And maybe it was the OCD part of me just wanted to push his hand out of the way and smash that lid down for him. The rational father side of me realized that was pretty pointless.....because I'd just pop it back open again and he'd fruitlessly attempt to push the lid back down again. I'm pretty sure (but you can't hold me to it) that I said to him, "JUST PUSH IT DOWN THE WHOLE WAY!"

It got me thinking for a minute about what God must go through looking down at us.

All the stuff we do that is pointless. Stuff that wastes our time. Stuff that we do that isn't what he intended for us. Stuff that could be done so much simpler.

I know He loves us no matter what....but does God get frustrated with us? We see God's anger toward His people when they've fallen far from the path....but what about between "everything's OK" and anger? Does God ever say "JUST PUSH IT DOWN THE WHOLE WAY!"

11/10 Monday update

the weekend that was:
-Friday was boy day as always. We ran a few errands, but mostly played at the house and I packed.
-Friday and Saturday were an overnight meeting for the retreat I'm doing this weekend. During the course of the overnight all the students give their talks to the group and are critiqued. It's my (and other other Spiritual Director's) job to make sure they are where we want them to go. It was exhausting. It was so hard trying to discern what was important to get the point across and what was just teenagers being teenagers. A fun time though.
-Saturday afternoon and evening was home time with my family.
-Sunday morning church.
-Sunday afternoon everyone was tired so we slept some AMAZING naps.
-Sunday evening was YMCA night and we keep adding more kids. That's cool and all, but I'm not sure I want more.
-Late night hockey. We won 4-1. Home WAY too late.
-TOBIAH ONLY WOKE UP ONCE ALL NIGHT LONG!!!!!

where i am at the moment: Home. Corban and I just woke up from our naps. I'm feeling kind of sickly today. I'm dragging from my weekend and trying to gear up for next weekend when I have to do it all over again.

on my to-do list this week: I have another talk and a half to get ready for the retreat this weekend. I need to get a bunch of stuff out to our teens for some upcoming events. I also have too many trivial things that will take up time I could be spending with my family this week.

procrastinating about: Well if I am, I'm not aware of it.

book I'm in the midst of: Well I did tell you that I got some books last weekend. I'm currently in the middle of "When Young Men Are Tempted" by Bill Perkins and Randy Southern. It goes along with one of the talks I have to give this coming weekend so I thought I should start with it.

music that seemed to catch my attention this past week: Actually over the last two weeks I've been listening to a bunch of stuff...some of it came out of the convention...others I just found...I'll just share two songs.

I Found a Reason by Cat Power
Filled With Your Glory by Starfield

grand revelations this past week: I don't know if this was a revelation as much as it was a reminder. There are some amazing teenagers with amazing morals and amazing walks of faith. Often because of what I do for a living, I overlook some of those kids because I have to wade into the mess of other kids. This weekend I got to hang out with the teenagers who make up the team putting on the retreat. These kids are just amazing kids. Wow. What a blessing to be around.

how i’m feeling about this week: I feel kind of sick right now. I really want that to stop. I don't really dread the week, but I feel it's going to fly by and I'm faced with another weekend away from my family

Ridiculous Adoption Quotes

I'm pretty sure this is universal....but it has been our experience that because we have chosen to adopt, people say dumb stuff to us....at least things that we think are dumb. I would like to share a few here.

-"Are they brothers?" Yes, yes they are. They both share our last name. "No, I mean are they biological brothers?" Well I'm their daddy and this is their mommy. What else matters really?

-"It's nice that they look so much alike...or....WOW Tobiah looks so much like Corban." No. Not much at all actually. Here is a picture of my boys and my wife, their mommy.Similarities: They're not Caucasian. They have kind of high foreheads.
Differences: Skin tone. Shape of nose. Ears (Corban's stick way out and Tobiah's are pressed against his head). Lips. HAIR! (I can't believe this is overlooked. Their hair is SOOOOO different. Corban's is tough, super curly...and Tobiah's is mostly straight fine and soft). Chin/neck. Etc. Etc. Etc.

-"Are you now going to have biological children." Do we have to? Like...now that we're done with this experiment we can have "our own"? That's preposterous. Maybe we will. Maybe we won't. Doesn't matter either way. We already have two beautiful boys. They are fully ours.

-Lastly I share an antidote. There's a girl in my drumline who is Indian (from India, not American Indian). On Tuesday she asked me if I had voted and who for. I told her I had voted and I wasn't going to say who I voted for. She said, "but you had the chance to vote for the first black president.....are you racist?" (she said this jokingly). I said, "Yes J-----, I'm racist." She replied,"So you don't like me?" "Yes I don't like, or either of my two sons." "Oh right I forgot about that...." I think she honestly forgot who she was talking to.

I recognize that because of where we live (mostly lower to middle class white) people are trying to understand why we would adopt. They're trying hard to be supportive. They really want to be part of what we're doing. Sometimes the way they do it, is just humorous to us. That's all.

Feist again...

If you've hung out at my blog for awhile I've posted a couple times now about Feist....particularly her song 1,2,3,4. You may have first heard it on an Ipod Nano commercial. Perhaps you've viewed the complete video here on my blog....here....or here. It's catchy. The full video is visually cool. Ok enough of that.

I'm late to the party but I found this today. Had to put it up.

Church work

Working for a church is crazy.

I mean literally you have to be insane (or called by God) to do it. There would be no other reasons. It's crazy.

It sounds nice. "What do you do?" "Well I'm a (insert youth pastor, worship leader, senior pastor, teaching pastor, etc.)" It seems like it would be cool. It's just crazy.

See, people are messy. They don't just come to church....they bring their baggage with them. For some people that baggage is heavy duty stuff that they've had to deal with in their lives. For others their baggage is simply their personality. People are messy.

So while in an ideal world when you work for a church, you would think that you get to focus your time dreaming up ways to "advance the kingdom" and "win thousands of souls for Christ".....the reality is that's just no so.

We put out fires. We are cheerleaders for volunteers. We mediate conflict between people who are suppose to be doing ministry together. We hold people's hands (literally and figuratively. We visit them in the hospital or jail or mental institution. We pat on the back. We go to horrible junior high choir concerts.

In fact we spend most of our time dealing with stuff inside the church.

Please don't get me wrong. There is a need for that. Our church members need ministered to. They need discipled. But discipling and enabling are different...and I wonder if we don't often have them lean so much on us that they know nothing else.

Beyond all that, working for a church is spiritually taxing. This isn't just our job. This is part of our walk with God. We can't just leave our work at the office. It is part of who we are. It's part of how we think. Example: A year or so ago I was reading a book with Corban. Instantly a lightbulb went off and the book I was reading became my object lesson for the next youth group I did.

When we interview for a job, it's a two way interview. The church has to want me to come there as much as I want to want to go. My family will be worshiping there. This will be a large part of our new community. There's as much burden on the church as there is on me. You don't get that as a computer programmer, or engineer, or electrician. Normally it's here's the job, are you qualified, yes or no.

Work for a church is crazy. Illogical. Messy.

I love what I do. I love the church I'm working for. I have loved all the churches I've worked for actually. They are full of amazing people. But it's still crazy.

I have proof!

It's official. I am not David Crowder. He is not me. The discussion is now over.

11/3 Monday update...different

So my normal Monday format's not going to work this week. I spent most of last week getting stuff out of the way so I could go to the National Youthworker Convention in Pittsburgh...and the whole weekend I was at the convention...so it seems silly to stick to the norm. Here's the scoop...

Recounting the weekend will be hard no matter how I go about it. As every NYWC, it was good, exhausting, and exciting. So I'll just highlight some things....

Dr. Soong-Chan Rah had a really good talk on racisim in the church and the culture we overlook. It was so good we decided to go to a late night talk back session with him to further discuss. Really good stuff.

Francis Chan rocked. He really challenged the whole place. His focus was to teach and disciple the way Jesus did, not the way we've been shown how to do it. Truly discipling students. I was challenged severely. I really have been re-thinking what and how I do youth ministry. It was really good.

My favorite break-out seminar was on story-telling in ministry. They talked about how students brains work now as compared to 20 years ago. They also talked about ways to engage their brains. It was really cool. Again, some re-thinking about how I teach the Bible. Really good stuff. This will be a work in progress.

I've felt guilty Monday after Monday saying that I'm not reading anything, so I bought a bunch of books to get me going. I'm pretty excited digging into some of these.

OH the theme of the convention was Seriously Ridiculous and they had this baby that was suppose to be Jesus, but it looked a lot like Tobiah with his confused face that he does. I wish I could find a picture of it....but alas I can't....maybe later.

Downside of the weekend was that David Crowder only lead worship once. Disappointing.

I have another thought about that, but I'll post it tomorrow since I'm exhausted. LATER.